Jake is five and learning to read.

He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, “Look Mama! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”

Deep breath… “What did you call it?”

“It’s a frickin’ elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!”

And so it does…

” A f r i c a n Elephant”

Hooked on phonics! Ain’t it wonderful?

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”

The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell, and you say something with ass.”

The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies. “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some cheerios.”

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can just stay there until I let you out!”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old, narrows her eyes, and asks in a stern voice, “And what do you want for breakfast young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!”